Tycho Brahe had a moose.
A dude on OkCupid just called me “a true Pollock on a human canvas,” which I think (?) was intended as a compliment…but all I could think of was this scene.
Posted 1 week ago with 0 notes

I don’t care.
I’ll embrace all of my vices,
and we’ll black it out,
or at least slow everything down.
And I’ll fish for compliments
and I’ll drink until I’m happy
and I’ll wonder what you’re doing but I won’t call.

(Source: charredbaby)

Posted 1 week ago with 927 notes
Don’t ever try to grow out your bangs.
Posted 2 weeks ago with 2 notes

(Source: Spotify)

Posted 2 weeks ago with 0 notes

King Asshole texted me at 1 am to say that he was at my neighborhood bar and was thinking of me and did I want to meet up? SoberMe would just have ignored him, but I had split three pitchers of sangria with a coworker that evening. “I would apologize for their terrible beer selection, but you kind of deserve it,” DrunkMe replied. “Enjoy drinking that PBR by yourself.”

Posted 2 weeks ago with 7 notes

This is the greatest hipster CD booklet insert ever.


"i don’t support feminism because i don’t hate men"


(via myladydisdain)


"Men are awesome", I say.
"NOT ALL MEN", the Mens’ Rights Activists chimes in before freezing where he stands. I’ve got him now, I’ve won.

(via sierramarinara)